I need to take a moment to discuss my hair. You may think that this is a boring and superficial topic. But boy, have I got news for you! It totally IS a boring and superficial topic. But that’s ok. Because my hair is probably the most exciting thing that is happening in my life right now (besides finally getting hooked on Pretty Little Liars.. I KNEW it was Mona! Totally called it.).
I recently discovered the magnificence of hot rollers. As any woman other than me knows, they can do some beautiful things to your hair. But there’s a bonus! You get to giggle at yourself in the mirror before you take them out. There’s nothing quite like looking in the mirror to see all of your hair haphazardly wound around the rollers much like you saw on your grandma back in the day. Just much more messy. If you haven’t done this before, I suggest giving it a try. If for no other reason than a good laugh. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
In the 23 long years that I have been gracing all of you with my presence, I have found a few staples for doing my hair. There’s the option of straightening it. This is a tedious task, but over the years I have become much more efficient in this. It’s the quickest way to make my hair look less like “just woke up” and more like “I am attempting to look like an adult”. Then there’s the option of curling it with a curling iron. This is even more tedious. I have become more efficient in this as well, but as anyone with long, thick hair will know, there’s no way it’s taking less than an hour. And last but not least, just leaving it air dry. I lied about that “least” part. This is totally the worst way to style it. About 5% of the time it works out great with long, beachy waves cascading gracefully down my shoulders. The other 95% however, I look like I just climbed out of a hole in the ground.
I wish there was a button I could push when I get out of the shower. This button would make a cool “POOF” sound and my hair would magically look exactly how I want it to. I’m sure it won’t happen in this life time, but a girl can dream.
With all of that useless information being said, I present you with the dos and don’ts of hair styling. This will be especially useful for you if you want to listen to a girl who has had 23 years to figure out her hair and hasn’t quite done so yet.
DO section off the hair
- This helps tackle that unruly mane one section at a time.
DONT put gum in your hair
- Does this really need an explanation?
DO use heat spray or another product
- Heat spray is the best, but anything is helpful really. You just need some sort of barrier to slow down the inevitable destruction of your split ends
DONT use hairspray
- Or do. I don’t care. But no amount of hairspray will keep it in place, so why even try? Too much and you’ll look like you haven’t showered for weeks.
DO clip your hair up in crazy ways and take selfies
- This will soften the blow when you realize that your hair is never going to cooperate with you.
DONT touch the flat or curling iron to your face
- Just.. Don’t. I did this on accident once. I clipped my face skin in the flat iron. The resulting burn was shaped like elevator buttons. One for up and one for down.
DONT rip your hair out in a panic
- I promise, no matter how bad it looks, it isn’t worth tearing it out of your scalp. It hurts and takes forever to grow back.
DO give up and throw your hair up in a messy bun.
- It’s really the only solution.