Black Escalade

Being somewhat of an artist, I take notice in tiny details. I observe more than I participate. This has allowed me to really fine tune my skills as an artist – be it painting, drawing, photography, etc. It has also helped to amplify my paranoia. Take the black Escalade sitting outside my apartment for example. This is probably just the daily driver for someone new in my apartment building. As innocent as a car can be. But in my mind, this guy is either a drug dealer, DEA agent, or something even more sinister.

The first time I noticed this particular vehicle, there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. The SUV was parked in a no parking spot on the curb of a little side street that really can only be described as a driveway with a name. This was not unusual as many people parked here. The area was rarely patrolled for illegally parked cars and parking spaces were few and far between. So what’s the problem with parking on a street that isn’t really a street?

This car, with the tinted windows and the chrome accents, was a little too shiny a little too often for having been driven in a Minnesota winter. While the other cars lining the streets had mud and salt stains, this car was virtually spotless.

This car always seemed to be running when I walked by. The lights on and exhaust spilling out of the tailpipe. Yet no one ever came in or out of the car.

This car was never here a month ago. But since it showed up the first time, it hasn’t left.

One night after dark I was heading out for some drinks and pool. It had been snowing all day, and the big heavy flakes were still flying. I could see them dancing in my headlights as I pulled out of the garage. At the time, my garage door opener didn’t work. So when I got home, I would have to park my car, go through the building to the basement/garage, and open the door from there. Proceed to park my car inside and walk back to the door to shut it. When I left, I would have to get out of my car to close the door. (I did finally get a remote for this so I can finally stop worrying about being mugged in the 10 feet it is from my car to the building.) So I put my car in park and I climbed out to close the garage door. I noticed that the Escalade was parked on the opposite side of this little driveway with a name. The running lights were on and I could hear the faint muffled sound of music. I wouldn’t be able to provide a logical reason for this, but the sight of the car sitting there so daunting really made my pace quicken. Before I reached the open car door, I looked up. The driver’s window on the Cadillac was slowly lowering. The inside of the car was so dark that I could not see who was behind the window. My heart started beating a little quicker, but I figured they must have wanted to say something. Probably about the missing garage door opener.  But before I could say anything or walk any closer, the window started rolling back up. So I did what any rational person would do. I got in my car and nope’d the fuck out of there. 

The next day, the Escalade was still in the same spot. Still running. Or running again. I don’t know. The point is, that this is creepy as hell. And I don’t want anything to do with Escalade man. 

My living room window is on the same side as this little street. (Seriously, it’s such an insignificant street that I don’t even remember what the name is. It has a sign and everything. A sign that I look at probably 2-200 times a day. And I still couldn’t tell you what it is. Talk about being observant..) Every time I look out my window, there’s that black Cadillac sitting, waiting. For what? I don’t know. But there it is, every day. It’s there when I leave for work. It’s there when I get home. It’s there when I’m up at 3 in the morning. It’s just always there.

There is probably no good reason to think there is something going on with this car. But where’s the fun in following “good reason”? I personally think that the Moroccan Mafia is planning a hit on me because of that one time I may or may not have… Let’s not get into that. Let’s just leave it at this: Escalade man is scary. Keep that in mind if I ever suddenly disappear.



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